Dovolím si vypůjčit ty nejlepší kousky z
tohoto příspěvku. Je to sice myšleno jako vtip, ale ono to docela sedí :)
“Whose round is it?” – I
know exactly whose round it is.
“Tea or coffee?” – The
choice you make will colour my opinion of you, possibly
forever.
“Milk, sugar?” – Careful now: There is a
right and wrong answer to this.
“Milk, no sugar please”
– Is the correct answer.
“Two sugars, please” – I
am a manual labourer.
“I don’t drink tea” – I am
not to be trusted.
“Ooh, nice” – You have
just told me where you’ve been on holiday.
“Ooh, nice”
– You have just told me where you live.
“Ooh, nice” –
You have just told me what you had for lunch.
“Ooh, nice”
– You have just told me your weekend plans.
“…” – You
have just unburdened yourself emotionally to me.
“What do you make of this weather
we’ve been having?” – We have nothing in common, but I’d
like to avoid an awkward silence if at all possible.
“You’re looking well” –
You’ve obviously been going to the gym, and I secretly hate you for
it.
“Where do you live?” – How
expensive is your house?
“What do you do?” – How much
do you earn?
Fine” – I disagree with what
you just said with every fibre of my being.
“Nonsense. Don’t
mention it” – You have wronged me, and I will replay this
incident in my head until the day I die.
“Let’s agree to disagree”
– I loathe you with an intensity that will burn within my soul for
all eternity.
“With the greatest respect” – I think
you’re a total moron.
“Let’s come back to that” –
Please do not speak in this meeting again.
“Correct me if I’m
wrong” – I am 100% certain I am not wrong.
“With all
due respect” – I disagree with your point of view
entirely.
“Sounds good” – I wish this didn’t sound
sarcastic.
“Sounds great” – Oh god, this sounds even
more sarcastic, doesn’t it?
“I’m fine” – I am
moments away from a devastating mental collapse.
“I’ll bear
it in mind” – Let us never mention this again.
“I’m
sure it’s my fault” – It’s your fault.
“Chuffed”
– Experiencing heart-racing euphoria.
“Not too bad,
actually” – I’m possibly the happiest I have ever been.
“Oh dear” – A
life-altering catastrophe has just occurred.
“You must come round for dinner”
– Under no circumstances should you consider this an actual
invitation.
“Let’s meet up for a drink soon” – This
will never, ever, ever happen.
“Something’s come up, I’m
afraid” – I’ve decided I can’t face an evening in your
company after all.
“Sorry” – You have just
trodden on my foot.
“Sorry” – You have just bumped
into me and caused me to spill an entire tray of drinks.
“Sorry”
– You have just fallen asleep on the tube and drooled on my
shoulder.
“Sorry” – You have just smashed into the
back of my car.
“You look nice” – You have never
looked more beautiful.
“Alright you fat wanker, what are you
drinking?” – You are my best friend and I love you.
